Tired of being Fat Albert's bitch, Dumb Donald has set off on his own taking odd jobs pumping gas and carrying pieces of wood around. There have also been reports of him drinking to excess and not being able to find his car. One is left to wonder if he longs for the "HEY, HEY, HEY!" days of old.
Keep up the fight, Dumb Donald. You'll be fine. Put your back into that wood.
Breaking Dumb Donald News!
He is worse off than we thought!!
Dumb Donald, in a desperate cry for help, fled his trailer last week to drink himself to death in Las Vegas, Nevada; Nicholas Cage style.
Only three hours into his drunken Vegas death spiral, Dumb Donald managed to pick a fight with a life sized cut-out of Michael Jordan and was able to solicit a 16 year old Vietnamese boy to give him "the shocker."
It was not looking good for our poor, wretched friend. Further down the spiral he went with silent desperation, reaching out for help from anyone who would listen. Was there no one who could save this lost soul? Was there anyone in sin city with a heart? Could someone simply give Dumb Donald some hope and a reason to go on? Fuck, was there nobody to sincerely say, "Put down the wine in a box, be a man and go on with your life! Fat Albert was the past!"?
It appeared not but when all hope seemed lost and Dumb Donald's liver was about to drip out his asshole something wonderful happened.
It was not easy for Whoopi Goldberg to bring Dumb Donald back from the hairy edge of oblivion but you have to think back to all the counseling experience she had during Star Trek, The Next Generation. Look at all she did for Wesley Crusher.
Dumb Donald is feeling much better now. All he needed was some Whoopi.
Anyway, here's to happy endings.
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